Communicating with a loved one with dementia requires a great deal of patience and compassion. Being open-minded and supportive is great, but it’s not always easy to know what to say—or what not to say. Your loved one deserves respect, autonomy, and support, so learning how to speak to someone with dementia is the first step to strengthening your bond.
Try to avoid any open-ended questions, and don’t correct your loved one—even if they say something incorrect or misremember something. Instead, try to be reassuring and supportive when you can. Maintaining a positive attitude is important—it can make a bigger difference than you might think.
“Do You Remember…?”
First, avoid asking any question that begins with, “Do you remember?” Trying to force them to recall certain events can be stressful. They might struggle to remember specific situations and begin feeling self-conscious. Dementia is complex, so you need to make sure to avoid any triggering situations.
Instead of asking direct questions, keep the conversation light and focus on the present moment. If you’re reminiscing, instead of saying, “Do you remember our trip to the beach last year?” you could say, “We had so much fun at the beach last year! The weather was perfect, and we collected so many shells.”
This way, you share the memory without putting pressure on them to remember details they might not recall. This is more relaxed and enjoyable for both parties.
“That Already Happened…”
Correcting your loved one with dementia when they get events or times mixed up can be disheartening. If they say something inaccurate about recent events, gently steer the conversation without outright correcting them.
For instance, if they say, “I need to call my dad,” and you know their father passed away years ago, consider responding with, “Tell me more about your dad. What was he like?” This allows them to share their thoughts and feelings without causing confusion or distress. This helps you maintain your loved one’s dignity and reduces the chances of triggering frustration or anxiety.
“Do You Know Who I Am?”
Forcing someone living with dementia to recall memories can be overwhelming, upsetting, and disheartening. They might feel pressured to remember, which can easily trigger negative emotions.
It’s more helpful to reintroduce yourself gently and provide context. Instead of saying, “Do you know who I am?” try, “Hi, it’s me, your loved one. I’m here to spend some time with you today.” This gives them the information they need without making them feel on the spot.
Patience and understanding help build a sense of security and comfort.
“What Happened When…?”
Open-ended questions can be particularly challenging. These types of questions require your loved one to retrieve specific memories and relay the information back to you—all of which can be difficult when someone is living with dementia.
Don’t ask them to remember everything about a specific period of time, an event, or any other exact information. Try to share experiences rather than set memories—keep your end of the conversation open. Say things like, “I remember visiting Mary a few weeks back. We had a lovely chat!”
This fosters a positive and open environment where your loved one won’t feel pressured to recall specific details. Instead, they can contribute if they remember; if they can’t remember the situation, they can simply enjoy the moment.
“Let’s Do This, & This, & This…”
Using simple language is one of the most important steps. Keep any plans straightforward, and avoid anything overly complex—overloading your loved one with steps outlined for the day can be confusing and overwhelming.
Don’t say, “Today, we’re going to the doctor, stopping by the grocery store, and meeting Sally for lunch.” Instead, break it down into single steps. Say, “First, we’re going to the doctor. Then we’ll decide what’s next!”
Even if you have the day planned out, there’s no need to cause undue stress. Simplify your communication and give your loved one time to respond, and you can significantly reduce anxiety and promote a relaxed day.
“I Can Do That For You…”
Offering to do things for your loved one with dementia, while well-intentioned, can sometimes come across as condescending or infantilizing. While giving support is essential, so is encouraging independence.
If they’re struggling with a task, don’t take over. Try empowering them to make their own decisions. Say, “Would you like some help with that?” or “Maybe we can do this together.”
This approach restores a sense of autonomy and helps your loved one feel capable, valued, and respected.
How to Help a Loved One with Dementia
Supporting a loved one with dementia is a deeply rewarding but challenging role. Our team at Inspired Living at Ocoee is ready to help.In our community, we can work closely with your family to give them a home that meets their needs. Our caring, compassionate team is ready to help you and your family through this journey, so contact us today!
